Alicia Whitaker: Her Untold Story

Yesterday I was writing about mid-life and referring to the sermon I heard Sunday about how we need to share our stories of how God works in our life as we are going through even the most difficult times. Although the sermon wasn't about mid-life, it was what was on my mind, one, because that's where I'm at in life and, two, I was still thinking of a man's story I'd heard on Oprah last week. This man was sharing his story of forgiveness to a man who murdered his wife Alicia and youngest son Kevin. What was more shocking than having half his family murdered was the revelation that the murderer was his oldest son.

I listened to Kent Whitaker as he poured out the details of what had happened to their family. Videos were playing that showed the Whitaker home as being the place to hang out ... the place where their son's friends spent much time ... the "neighborhood gathering place" where everyone remembered being a picture of the perfect family home. Mr. Whitaker shared how he was a good dad who spent much time with his sons ... and how he was a man of strong faith in God ... and it was only God that could have brought him through this horrific time of losing his wife and son to death, and another son to death row. It was also God who gave him the strength to give unconditional forgiveness to his son.

I heard Bart Whitaker share his story from prison. I listened to him as he told of never feeling a sense of identity; feeling inadequate in the idealistic idea of who his parents thought he should be. He felt his life was a lie as he lived according to his parents ideals and even now, can't identify with anything. I listened to Matt and Julie Barnhill who were not only very close friends but also the pastor and pastor's wife of the Whitakers. Pastor Barnhill described Kent Whitaker as a very godly man; one who made decisions daily in a way that would honor God, and that his strong faith absolutely came through giving him the ability to forgive his son.

It was as I listened to Julie Barnhill share that I heard Alicia's story ... even though she wasn't there to share it. It was Julie that Alicia went to and "talked a lot" about her concerns for her son Bart. It was Julie that Alicia poured her heart out to. As much as my heart went out to this grieving father and husband who was still in much pain, I couldn't help but feel my spiritual huff kicking in when I heard his response to his pastor's wife sharing about his own wife. "I know it's probably wrong," he replied, "but Tricia told her girlfriends, things she didn't tell me." Ok, I feel great compassion for this man in his loss, but hearing him allude to the fact that his wife should have been confiding in him instead of girlfriends ... this is a vivid picture of why I am passionate about this thing of faith and how we use God's name ... while refusing to identify with who He really is.

I'm not writing this to take away from this powerful story of forgiveness. I'm not writing this to distract from the fact that a young man murdered his family. I don't doubt for even a second Kent Whitaker's faith in God. I believe with everything in me that he was living his Christian life according to God's Word ... and according to his understanding of it. What I am writing here is a story I've heard many times in my life ... what you see in church is not how it is at home. There is a reason women confide in women. There is a reason for the 50% divorce rate ... in the Church. There is a reason that many kids who grow up in the Church want nothing to do with it when they're able to walk away from it. It's what Bill Maher was talking about when he explained to Larry King why he wanted nothing to do with the church and the whole reason behind the movie "Religulous."

What I know for sure today is that having a belief and faith in God, going to church regularly and even praying regularly, doesn't hold a candle to having a relationship with Jesus Christ that is so real it changes who we are. The story of the Whitakers is so representative of the average church family. When the Church (the Body of Christ ... people who call themselves Christians) comes to understand the power of going directly to Jesus Christ for His divine teaching, that is when the Church will see what it really looks like to the world and to its own families. That is when a husband will be able to see what his wife sees, and a wife will be able to see what a husband sees ... and that is when parents will be able to see what their children see. When a Christian wife is not able to trust her Christian husband enough to confide in him, something is very wrong. When children from a Christian home cannot see their Christian parents with a love and trust that is real and that gives them something real to identify with ... something is very wrong. Wouldn't there be a drastic change in the Christian family if the story of Alicia Whitaker could be understood and shared? Every family does and believes what it knows and believes at the time. What would it mean today, if Christians were to begin to take the words of Jesus Christ seriously when He says, "Come, follow me...You diligently study the Scriptures because you think that by them you possess eternal life...yet you refuse to come to me to have life."